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music |
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Leona Lewis "Better In Time" |
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Oh little white box. Some days I could fill you with endless amounts of words, and on days like today, I stare at you blankly because I have no idea what to say. Well that's kind of a lie, I have a lot I could say actually. A lot of hurtful and mean things I could say, but I won't because I'm not that type of person. It's hard to believe that I've been back in Hamden for a year. I feel like each new semester here has brought me something new, or at least, somebody new.
First. Ha, well first.. there was Alex. And well, we all know how that story ended first semester. Something about him had me intrigued from the moment we met. There were things that we did that were hurtful, and I know that, but I'm not that person anymore. Maybe I was for awhile, but not now. But, despite that part of it all, we were nothing more than friends. Good friends, because I could tell him almost anything and he wouldn't judge me. People their whole lives had expected something from me, expected me to act a certain way, wear certain clothes, and basically be somebody that I wasn't. Alex was the first person who didn't see that, and just saw me. Plain old me. It was refreshing to say the least.
Somewhere in all that mix there was Dustin. The football player from California. It was hard for me to see it at the time, but he was head over heels for me, and I don't mean to say that to sound completely full of myself either.. it's the truth. Instead of taking things slow, we rushed ourselves, because I felt that if maybe we did that, my feelings would catch up with his own and we'd be on the same page. They didn't though, and before you knew it, I was sabotaging our own relationship. Needless to say we didn't last too long, and he ended up transferring back closer to home. He was the first experience I had where one person cared more for the other.
Then there was New Years, and new promises and new exciting things to look forward too. I'm not even going to begin to get myself in trouble with that mess but quite honestly, that month of January was one of the happiest months of my life, and you know who you are. Most people tend to get sick of each other after spending that much time together, but we couldn't get enough. Those were the best days. The months following, they were okay too, don't get me wrong. But that one month, that's when everything seemed to come together, at least for a little while.
The cold started to fade, and the weather started to get warmer, and oddly enough, that's the same thing that seemed to happen to me. Instead of being cold, I reworked myself into a happier person again. In that little self-revelation process, I met Gabe. At first, he reminded me a lot of Dustin (see above). He was an athlete, charming, and just silly like Dustin had been. To tell you the truth it scared me at first because I didn't want the same thing to happen again, and it didn't. We slowly worked ourselves into a relationship, and it was good. We were friends but we were boyfriend and girlfriend too, it worked perfectly for us. I'm not exactly sure what happened, or if he decided to move back closer to home but, I do miss him. It's just hard for me to sit around and wait, and I don't think I can anymore. If you do end up reading this, I'm sorry.. please don't hate me for it.
I'm sure I forgot a few things in there, or purposely left out a few details. MAX. Oh how could I forget Max? He is one of the good friends that I have here. I've been through a lot of crap and well, put a lot of crap on myself but yet he still finds words to say that make me feel better, which is all you can really ask for in a friend anyway. So thank you for that.
Why am I putting all my business out there? I don't know. Maybe because it feels better to know that I did, and that people can judge me the way they want but at least it's through my own words and not someone elses. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone that I mentioned above, if I did I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. All of the men mentioned above have lovely qualities, and even some of the men that I didn't mention who have lovely qualities and are cute as hell with their nintendo theme song playing skills. Yeah I'm talking about you.
That about wraps it up. What the heck will this semester hold? All I know is that I'm relationshiped out, but I'm anxious to see what happens.
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